I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
