Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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