Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
