Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
