Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
