My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
