Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
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