I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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