so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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