You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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