peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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