Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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