How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
