you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I smell like Dick and happiness
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
