Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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