What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
