i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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