Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
