According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
