Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
