return my video game
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I fill condoms, not promises.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
