I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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