Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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