So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
