What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
