how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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