i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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