when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
