he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
