you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
