Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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