She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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