fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
