i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
