I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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