I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
