You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
