Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
