Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
