Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Girls should come with a carfax report
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
