Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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