Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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