Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
