i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
