Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
