I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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