the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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