i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
