i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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