i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
