sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
