I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
