I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
