Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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