Pappa wants mamma naked
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
