what if every blade of grass was a penis?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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