I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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