I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
