So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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