God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Two words: blizzard sex
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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